Suits and Sebas-chan

The community lake. Small in size, large in soccer moms, little kids, and obnoxious teenagers. Overly sterile yet managing to have the filthiest bathrooms in the state. Not what would be considered an ideal hangout area.

But my friends and I went there anyway. I don’t know - nostalgia? But anyway, there we were, sweating in the hot sun and getting irritable and squabbling over dropped coins and a lost friend who was supposed to show up an hour ago. At length, she arrives - let’s call her Twinkie. Twinkie immediately runs toward us, yelling very loudly about how sorry she was. I don’t mean your normal, hey-it’s-just-an-excited-kid yell. I mean legit screaming. This put me off right away - sure, Twinkie was usually quite hyperactive, but I’ve never had too much actual time alone with her to get what she really was like. I guess that day she really started to spill onto me what she was really like.

So, after finally getting settled, screwing around in the water, etc., etc, we ended up at the small snack shop, with myself, Twinkie, and another friend who also hadn’t had too much contact with Twinkie who I’ll call Bambi, waiting for Twinkie to order her mozzarella sticks. The whole time, she decided for some reason or other to constantly declare “I WILL HAVE MY CHEESE STICKS AND YOU WILL HAVE NONE! I AM THE LORD! OF CHEEEEEEESE!” Again, actually screaming. I think the staff inside the snack bar actually took forever with her order on purpose…but quite honestly, I wish the worker hadn’t. Then this discussion wouldn’t have happened and the incident wouldn’t have taken place.

We ended up sitting down and quickly ended up talking about anime - Black Butler, to be exact. Twinkie declared her love for Sebastian and began to spew loudly and at length what she hated about Grell Sutcliff, mainly that he loved Sebastian, who she had “claimed.” Bambi and I were starting to get uncomfortable, and I realized the only reason she’d been calm before today is because always another certain friend would be with us, who absolutely cannot be screwed around with. But today…we were stuck with Twinkie’s full blast.

Anyway, getting to the point.

After about ten minutes of this, a man in a snazzy suit walks by, probably on his way to some office party at the lake. Twinkie eyes him, pokes me in the arm, and said, “Next time a dude in a suit walks by, we should all glomp him and be all ‘Sebas-chan! We love you!~!’”

Bambi and I, aghast, quickly tell her just how inappropriate that would be and try to get her not to do it. But for some reason, she rooted it into her head that she wanted to do it. Several minutes later, after Twinkie’s food had been consumed and Bambi and I went to go get ice cream, I heard a commotion. Running back to our table, a young businessman in a soaking wet suit along with several lake staff were busy yelling at Twinkie, who was just giving smart remarks and eye rolls. Turns out that seeing another suited guy walk by, and no Bambi or myself to stop her, she had glomp-tacked the guy while screaming“SEBAS-CHAN! SEBAS-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!” in such a way that he flew off the dock and landed in the water both from her force and surprise.

No one was hurt, fortunately, but Twinkie has been banned from the lake and several public places in our city and was forced to pay for the man’s iPhone, expensive watch, and suit. After that, I’ve been trying to break ties with her, but next year due to a complex transfer system she’ll be my only friend at a new school. I still don’t know what to do, but I can only hope that I’ll be able to stand up to her way-too-hyper personality and tell her to calm down and shut up…

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    SOBBING
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    Ugh, garbage weeaboos like...anime fandom. And...enjoy...
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