It’s petrifying when you’re staring death in the face, especially when death is in the form of forty deranged fangirls who’ve gone batshit up the belfry for Hetalia. This is my horrifying Weeaboo story, and I’m sticking to it. 

My friend and I were at AX 2010. Our cosplay consisted of my 6 foot tall friend (let’s call him “W”) dressed like one of the giant wolves from Princess Mononoke while I piggy-back rode him in my San cosplay. The costumes took me 3 months to make, and I was really proud of the results.

On the third day of the convention, we were taking a break from the chaos of the main hall and walking down one of the smaller hallways by an escalator. Aside from a couple people loitering around the walls the hallway was basically empty. I was riding on W’s back, minding my own business, when I suddenly heard this distant roar from behind us echo down the hallway, so I took a second to look over my shoulder to see what was up. What I saw may quite possibly be the most morbidly horrifying thing I’ve ever encountered; a giant Hetalia STAMPEDE heading straight in our direction.

I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say there had to be at least like 30 or 40 of them all dressed in full costume, screeching and hollering as they sprinted down the hallway carrying flags. And what’s worse, they were getting closer. At this point the screeching roar had reached a deafening degree, and W stopped to turn around and see what was happening. I swear it was like a deer caught in the headlights. He just stood there - frozen in what I assume was complete and utter fear……or maybe fascination. I was really confused at first…because I couldn’t get why they would be running around like a bunch of idiots, fueling the stereotypes Hetalia fans seem to be associated with. The horde was showing no signs of changing course either, and because the expanse of the stampede took up the entire width of the hallway, they weren’t really paying attention and it looked kind of like they were going to plow right through us. And then it dawned on me “My God, I’m going to die.”

I had no intentions of being killed by Hetalia. Clinging helplessly to W’s back, I attempted a last dash attempt to save myself…I kicked his sides as hard as I could (kind of like spurring a horse) whilst screaming “DON’T JUST STAND THERE! RUN! RUN!” It worked. W snapped out of it and hauled ass (and me) down the hall with the crazed Hetalia assemblage mere feet behind us. I pulled my mask down over my face, and held on for dear life.

Unfortunately due to W’s initial delayed response to the crisis, the proximity of us to them was now really close, and here’s the thing….I’m only 87 pounds, but I guess toting me around the convention center all day covered in faux fur had taken a toll on W’s stamina. Being slightly out of shape wasn’t doing him any favors either. In the end we weren’t fast enough, let’s put it that way, and the blunt force of the collision knocked me off his back, and tripped up a few girls as they trampled us into the carpet. 

After they plowed us down, they kept going. Even the few who fell they just got up again, and kept going. They couldn’t stop two seconds to apologize, or even to dust themselves off. They just clambered over one another and kept on going. And on top of that, they wrecked my mask. I also got whacked upside the face with a flagstaff and that sucked pretty badly.

In their defense I think they were expecting the hallway to be empty and we just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But still, you have to wonder how people could become so caught up in a fandom that they didn’t take into regard that they could possibly hurt someone.